Failure
by Lovelorn Demon
Summary: semi-Tag to 4.16 'On the Head of a Pin' Castiel struggles with emotions and Dean. Possible future Dean/Castiel
1. Conflicting Interests

**A/N** First Supernatural related fic/tag! I realllyy like Castiel and more importantly the chemistry between him and Dean. This idea has been in my head since 4.16, since that was an omni-awesome eppy. But enough with my ranting here you go! SPOILERS FOR ANYONE WHO HASN'T SEEN 'On the Head of a Pin'

Disclamer: I don't own supernatural... no matter how many times i think i do .;

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"I failed," whispered the sorrowful angel.

Castiel leaned against the hospital which currently held the dispirited Dean Winchester. The Dean Winchester whom seemed to constantly change him, whether he knew it or not. The Dean Winchester whom he previously thought could pull through and be the savior his Father believed he would be. The savior _he _believed he would be.

The angel sighed, he went through his life always knowing, always being a whisper away from his brothers and sisters. Now he does not know what to do, what to feel, what to think. This was a new experience for him, not in all of his eons of existence had he felt this way, and it was utterly frightening.

Betrayal. Confusion. Isolation. Despair. Disappointment.

It all screamed failure at the angel. He was losing more than this war, he was losing his faith. Castiel now only had his slowly diminishing faith in his Father and Dean.

Yes, Dean. Even now, emotionally and physically broken in almost every way. The angel still had hope, it seemed to be all he had left.

_I failed..._

The thought kept passing through his head, scorning him, punishing him. He shouldn't have pushed Dean into torturing Alistair. He should have gotten to him in time, both in Hell and in the warehouse. He should have seen it coming and stopped it.

_But I'm not strong enough.._

He lowered his head, and eventually his body followed the action, leaving the angel sitting on the ground. His knees against his chest, and his arms limp at his sides. His eyes and checks suddenly felt wet and cold. He cautiously brought his hand to his eye and dabbed at the source. Then, pulling his hand back, examined the water which covered his finger tips. His face looked numb with a hint of curiosity, his chapped lips slightly parted.

Castiel tilted his head slightly and looked deeper at the liquid, as if it held the cure to his troubles. The angel's mind flashed to earlier, when Dean was confessing to him, his charge had shed a tear then. But Castiel knew the liquid on his finger was not a tear.

No. Angels can't cry... just like they can't feel.

_Then what is happening to me?_

Castiel leaned his head back to the cold brick. Everything that was going on was so conflicting, so confusing, so flighty. He wanted something there, something constant. He had Uriel be that, and see where that ended up.

_On my knees, about to die.... If only Anna didn't show up._

_Anna...._

He didn't know what to think about her now, whether to hate her or be grateful towards her. He said what could be described as a mixture of a sigh, a growl, and a moan. Castiel was tired of this. In a mixture of sadness and frustration he ruffled his hand through his vessel's hair.

"What do I do.." His fallen plea, scared even with his roughened voice.

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**A/N** I might continue this, I have some ideas. But thats if anyone really wants me to, so let me know!


	2. Rain and Children

**A/N** Okay, so I figured I am going to continue this because people seemed to want me to! I hope you like this chapter! Thanks for reading!

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It rained most of that night, but Castiel didn't move. He didn't even make an attempt to shield his vessel from the waves of water, which he would have done normally out of respect. He just didn't care and most of that night was fuzzy to the angel.

He remembered feeling the cold, the painfully numbing cold, as it drenched him. He knew he wouldn't get hypothermia or any other disease a normal human would get under such circumstances, so he stayed in the same spot all night.

He also remembered staring at his finger still, even though the water was absorbed by the skin and was just being replaced by drops of rain. All of these factors considered, he felt the indent of the liquid, which he still refused to believe was a tear.

He recalled the rain stopping for a moment during the night, and that is when he finally observed his surroundings. The moon and stars, covered by the clouds, made the area almost pitch black. If it weren't for the radiation of light from windows of the hospital, Castiel would have never seen Anna standing next to an oak tree, staring at him. Her eyes were cold, just like the rain. She look almost ashamed at the angel in his newly dampened state. Once his eyes met hers she just nodded in pity and disappeared. It rained again shortly after.

The last thing he remember was he couldn't get Dean out of his head, but he hadn't dared to visit him during the night. For one thing, the Angel wanted Dean to get sleep, after the damage he had done, however inadvertently it may have been. Also, he knew that Dean nor Samuel would be happy for his presence, and the angel didn't feel like he could undo the troubles of the two Winchesters at this point.

When daylight finally breached the clouds, Castiel finally decided to get up. However, as he stood up, his world turned, and he ended up with his back on the grass. He wanted to laugh at the sheer irony of everything, and so he did. Castiel laughed, the feeling of his own laughter was foreign to him, but he loved it. The angel wondered when his laughter would turn to a hysterical one.

He finally stopped after awhile, looking up at the sky above him, wondering how humans felt everything or more namely, how _Dean_ felt about everything. The angel wondered that if his thoughts and "emotions" made him act this way, how was it with humans. How they could be so fragile and tough at the same time. How they could be broken so much that they feel they deserve nothing. He wipe one of his vessel's hands through the grass, picking up drops of rain that still clung to them.

He sighed, closing his eyes for the first time in a while, and later opened them to see a small child bent over his face, examining him. He tilted his head to the side and examined her back. She was a small kid, he had guessed to be around 6 years of age. Her hair was pulled up into two small blonde pigtails. The angel sensed pureness and innocence from the girl, so much so, that his wings unfurled themselves as they naturally absorbed her radiance.

"Why were you crying?" the girl said with much sorrow in her voice.

Castiel sat up at this, "I cannot cry."

"Yes you can!" the girl persisted, "and you were.... why?" Her voice lowered to a sad whisper, she was staring at him intently.

The angel was a bit confused on how to answer, but he tried, for something in the girl reminded him of Dean.

"I lost... my brother, and I have... doubts on what to do,"

"I lost my brother once. We were in the woods.."

"Oh.."

"We were playing. And all of a sudden, he was gone!" the girl's eyes started to redden with tears. "I called his name a lot, but he never answered back!"

"And what happened?"

"I ran to mommy, and she called some people called the police. They came over and searched for him," she rubbed a fist to one of her eyes, "and they found him eventually... but he was all hurt and stuff, so he had to go to the hospital." Her head turned towards the building beside them, making Castiel think this happened recently. She eventually turned her attention back to Castiel. "And now he's gonna be all better and we can play again!" Her eyes sparkled with hope, "Maybe you will find your brother and _you _guys can play again as well."

"It is... not that simple, I... lost him for good, and I cannot find my... daddy as well," the word sounded weird to him, using daddy instead of Father, but he wanted to use language that the child could relate to.

The child gasped in slight realization, "No wonder you're crying!" She wrapped her tiny arms around his vessel's neck, burying her face into his chest.

_I think this is what they call a "hug" _

The child proceeded to try and comfort the angel, "You do have someone, right?" At that, Castiel's mind shot to an image of Dean in the hospital before him, despondent and broken.

"I... don't know," unbeknownst to Castiel, a "tear" fell out of one of his eyes.

"You're," the girl's voice sounding sad and empathetic, "crying again."

Castiel's hand shot up to his eye, wiping the liquid from his eye. Oddly this child was changing the angel's perspective on himself, and he now believed it was a tear, which means the angel could cry, could feel. With that realization, another came out of his opposite eye, this one to be wiped from child. She was sharing his sadness and hugged him tighter. Hesitantly and delicately, he wrapped his arms around the child and hugged back.

And the tears kept coming, releasing the angel's pain and sorrow.

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**A/N** I have some plans on how to continue this, if you want it to just end here, be short and sweet (possibly 1 or 2 more chapters), or semi-lengthy/more conflict and angst (3/4+ more chapters) please say so in reviews!


	3. Kiss it and Make it Better

**A/N** Sorry for the semi-long wait, and thanks for all the feedback!

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of it's Angels/Hunters. If so, I would not have been writing this as fanfiction, now would I?

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A voice broke through the barrier of the two's emotions.

"Look guys, a weeping angel," the voice indicated, cocky and unsympathetic. Castiel quickly released his arms, putting on a mask of pure angelic righteousness and duty to hide the sure panic rising in him. Getting up, he maneuvered himself between the voice, to which he believe was a demon, and the child who reminded him of Dean. She clenched onto his trench coat, expressing the emotions that the Angel still didn't understand.

The voice belonged to a teenaged boy, who was accompanied by others like him. The boy and his friends laughed darkly as they circled the duo, their eyes flashing back as they encompassed.

Castiel held a hand to the child's chest, locking her place behind him, and one hand pointed to the leader of the gang; he felt his grace flaring up inside of him. His mind was criticizing himself on failing to notice the demons and on letting his newly acquired feelings get the best of him.

The leader spoke again, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"So, angel, gonna smite me with tears?" He questioned, his posse agreeing with his statement, "Or will the big, scary girl hug me to death." While they snickered and joked at the two, the angel felt a fire in his chest, which he named fury. And when he felt the small girl tremble under his hand, the fire continued to ravage throughout his being. He saw blue sparks of his grace arch from the tips of his fingers to his palm, reasoning that the only way to extinguish the flames was to eliminate the horde.

Castiel forcefully closed his one hand into a fist, sending bolts of blue lightening at each of the boys, burning the demons inside of each. Seeing the bodies crumple unceremoniously to the ground, he smirked at his victory.

His victory turned bittersweet with the sound of the child's whimper. He spun around to see the girl's arms scarlet and bleeding, a lightening shaped pattern etched into her skin.

The angel's fire turned into lead and dropped to the pit of his stomach, his mind filling with anguish at his failure to protect the child.

_If I cannot protect a defenseless human child, how am I to protect Dean..._

He dropped to his knees, the child backing away from him, and the lead became heavier. He prayed for forgiveness and guidance as the group of once demons came into consciousness as bewilderedly scrambled away. He focused on the girl who was now sitting cross-legged on the grass, sobbing while cradling her arms.

Castiel dropped his head, his vessel's lips making themselves into a thin line. He wondered what to do. He wanted to heal the damage he had done, but did not know exactly how to do so, not remembering how he healed Dean after dragging him out of the Pitt. He knew he could not simply take her into the hospital adjacent to them for the Doctors would not know how to heal someone stricken by angelic lightening.

"What do I do..." he sighed out, in frustration and worry.

The girl perked up at this, now looking at the angel with tears threatening to overflow her tiny eyes. "Kiss it and make it better?" she offered. Castiel hesitantly pulled his head up, tilting it in confusion.

"Do what the girl says Castiel," Anna states, suddenly appearing over her brother's shoulder, "Kiss it and make it better." Anna made the phrase sound not ridiculous, her face impassive and looking towards the girl. Castiel looked up at Anna, his face contorted in confusion.

"It was a thing my, most, human mothers do anytime I, they, are injured," her voice tinted with nostalgia, "The power of love is awe-inspiring, Cas. You should learn to embrace it.... not fear it." Castiel nodded in pseudo-understanding, looking towards the girl, now sitting a foot from him with her arms lifted up towards him as if they were an offering.

Castiel held her arms as if they were glass and place a chaste kiss on each, closing his eyes in the process. Once he opened his eyes, he saw the wounds on the child's arms healing up. A smile grew on both the angel's and the girl's faces, the lead dissipating from the angel's stomach.

"Come on, little one," Anna said, voice pleased and mother-like, "Your parents must be wondering where you are." She held out her hand for the child to take. Her hand reached out, but paused and hugged Castiel.

"Go find your someone, okay?" she whispered into his ear.

Castiel simply nodded into the girl, who then grabbed Anna's hand and was led away. Stood up, picking up a bit of Anna's and the girl's introductions.

"What's your name?"

"Anna. And yours?"

"Nadean."

"What a pretty name."

"Mommy and daddy call me Nadie, though..."

A ghost of a smile appeared on Castiel at the name. Nadean. For one thing it meant hope, which was ironically laughable in it's own right, but the more important thing was it mainly consisted of his charges name. His thoughts drifted again of Dean and pain and failure and of "his someone" and the phrase "Kiss it and make it better."

And Castiel knew there was one more thing he had to do.

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A/N I'm pretty sure I'm going to end it next chapter..... which might/probably contain Dean/Castiel (because I'm a fangirl like that)

If no one likes that approach I could easily change it, so tell me in the reviews.

Also..... I might have a sequal, if anyone wants that...

Also Also..... I did not come up with Nadean entirely on my own. I slightly got it from Rae666's story, Nadean.... which is awesome. Check it out..

Peace. Out.


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